Right of Passage

September 7, 2009

30 Days until I-Phase [October 8, 2009] (186 pounds)
44 Days until T-Phase [October 22, 2009] (182 pounds)
86 Days until S-Phase {December 3, 2009] (172 pounds)
171 Days until RKC II San Jose [February 26, 2010] (149 pounds)

Weight: 199.5

I started watching “Return of the Kettlebell” yesterday and in the very beginning Pavel says not to start ROK without first mastering Right of Passage from “Enter the Kettlebell.” So, I did as I was told and turned off the DVD and tested myself. I picked up my 24k bell and did a perfect clean and press. I think it was perfect anyway. I am sporadic on my ability to press the 24. I can press the 20k no problem but that is less than ¼ my body weight. 194 pounds is the official RKC cutoff and I am obviously not there. The second test is the Secret Service Snatch test. I had never actually done that before so I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I can snatch the 16k 100 times in five minutes but I had never snatched the 12k 200 times in ten minutes. So I set my little egg timer at 10 and went for it. I hit 200 snatches with about two minutes or more to spare. I kept on going until I heard the beep and I managed a total of 273 snatches in 10 minutes with the 12k. The next goal will be to complete 200 snatches in 10 minutes with the 16k. I’m sure that will be a challenge; but one I am excited to meet.

Re-Establishing the Goals

September 6, 2009

31 Days until I-Phase [October 8, 2009] (186 pounds)
45 Days until T-Phase [October 22, 2009] (182 pounds)
87 Days until S-Phase {December 3, 2009] (172 pounds)
172 Days until RKC II San Jose [February 26, 2010] (149 pounds)

Weight: 202.5

To make my goal for the I-Phase I will have to lose a little over a ½ pound a day. I know that is totally unrealistic but I’m going to try anyway.

To make my goal for the T-Phase I will have to lose just under a ½ pound a day. Again, unrealistic but I’m going to try.

To make my goal for the S-Phase I will have to lose around 1/3 a pound a day or just fewer than two and a half pounds a week. A little more realistic.

To make my goal for the RKC II in San Jose I will have to lose just under 1/3 of a pound a day which translates to just over 2 pounds a week. That is what is recommended in the diet biz. Now I just have to figure out how to do it. I haven’t been able to figure it out for 42 years but all I can do is get back up on the horse and keep trying.

My plan for today is to come up with a healthy and realistic menu for the week. I will shop tomorrow and prepare any foods that can be pre-prepared for the week. I have scheduled my week with two work-outs a day which I must stick to if I am going to see any results. I need to take each day as it comes and remind myself every time I want shove food in my face that it is just not worth it.

I’m going to the CU/CSU football game tonight which will entail a lot of walking. That is good. My challenge will be not eating chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant where I am meeting my friends. Strategy? I should take some raw almonds and an apple and eat them just before I get to the restaurant. Hopefully then I will not feel hungry. I guess that’s the plan.

Tomorrow is Labor Day so aside from shopping and getting organized for the week I plan on going for a long bike ride and doing kettlebell strength training. Tuesday the goal is VO2 Max 36:36 protocol. I did 18 sets yesterday so Tuesday I would like to get to 20 or more. I will also go to a Zumba class after work. Wednesday is KBJ with Gus at lunch time and then kettlebell strength training after work. I should also try and kick in an hour walk. Thursday again is VO2 Max 36:36 protocol and a Hip Hop class after work. Friday the goal is kettlebells heavy day in the morning and a Zumba class in the afternoon. I should try and kick in an hour walk on Thursday and Friday during lunch. Then we are back to Saturday which will be an hour with Gus doing KBJ and I’ll do something in the afternoon as well. It’s time to get off the pot.

One Small Change

Weight: 199

It has been a while. I blew off the Loveland Lake to Lake Triathlon. I was more focused on the kettlebells and didn’t want to put in the time to train. I did the RKC II which I will talk about more later. I also blew off the Triple Bypass. I have not been riding much either which I do regret. The bottom line though, is my food. I am still struggling every day. I am also thinking of not doing the Nike Women’s Marathon because I have two Z-Health certifications in October and that would mean missing an awful lot of work.

So back to the RKC. I went. I failed. I weighed in at 201.9 which is disappointing. The weekend itself was fantastic and I learned so much. I did my 100 snatches in five minutes so I I think my level I is good for another two years but I’m not sure about that. Since I finished the RKC weekend I’ve been fairly focused on getting my strength improved. I’m also trying, of course, to lose weight but that is a given and the story of my life. I have really made some progress and am starting to feel like a real athlete. I still can’t do a pull up and I’m teetering on being able to do a pistol. If you fail the RKC you have 90 days to retest. My 90 days is fast approaching. I’m trying to convince myself I will get a pull up by the end of the 90 days but I just don’t see it happening. But the good news is there is another level II cert in San Jose in February. If I don’t get the pull up I go to San Jose. It’s as simple as that. I’ll keep going until I get it.

So, this week I am making two small changes which should help me on my way to my goals of 149 pounds and a pull up. The first is no Splenda. I really think the sweet of the Splenda makes me want more sweet. The second is no television one night a week. I know I should do no television period and eventually I would like to work up to that but I think the smaller the change the easier it is to stick to. Once I’m comfortable with one night I’ll move to two and so on and so on until it is no longer a cognitive action but rather an autonomous behavior. Baby steps.

And new goal deadlines.

39 Days until 90 day deadline [September 25, 2009] (189 pounds)
51 Days until I-Phase [October 8, 2009] (186 pounds)
65 Days until T-Phase [October 22, 2009] (182 pounds)
107 Days until S-Phase {December 3, 2009] (172 pounds)
192 Days until RKC II San Jose [February 26, 2010] (149 pounds)

April 8, 2009
33 Days until the Loveland Lake to Lake Triathlon
39 Days until the RKC Level II certification
54 Days until the Triple Bypass
152 Days until the Nike Women’s Marathon

Weight: 205

I am extremely depressed today. I know I have a great life and I have nothing to complain about but I just can’t do the happy dance today. I did the Colfax ½ Marathon yesterday. I walked the entire thing and averaged about a 15 minute mile. That was ok but I didn’t train for it at all. That is what the problem is; not that it took me over three hours and fifteen minutes to complete the race but that I didn’t have the drive and determination to actually train for it. I can’t stop eating, I stay up late watching mindless television so I don’t want to work out in the morning and I hate my job so I get drained during the day and don’t want to work out after work. I know, blah, blah, blah, excuses. And they are but today I just feel like feeling sorry for myself. I have no will power and am a lazy fat slob. I look in the mirror and the only words that come to my mind are gross, fat, disgusting and pig. I want so badly to be a thin powerful athlete but I just can’t do it. I don’t want to do it. If I did really want to do it then I would. Wouldn’t I? I feel like a miserable failure.

I am probably not going to do the Loveland Lake to Lake. I decided that I really don’t like triathlons and I feel no need to torture myself more. I want to do the RKC but I’ll never be able to fulfill the physical requirements – I’m not giving up on that yet but I’m not going if I can’t do a pull up. More money wasted that I can’t afford to waste. I haven’t been riding so the Triple Bypass is probably not going to happen. Sometimes I wish I could just accept that I am fat, will always be fat and will never be an athlete. I don’t know why I torture myself.

So basically today I feel like everything in my life sucks. I’m whining and have no right to but that’s how I feel. I have to change how I’m doing things but every time I try I fail. I’m just tired of trying. I’m 41 years old. I’m never going to get married and have a family so why even bother? I think I was just meant to be fat and alone. Men don’t want to date fat women – period.

Ok, so this is me on my pity pot. I’ll probably sit here for the rest of today and maybe even tomorrow but then I’ll get out of it and work out for a few days and eat right for a few days and start feeling good. Then I’ll blow it and eat crappy food and gain the weight back that I lost over those few good days. It’s the same vicious cycle that I have been living pretty much my entire life. I really wish that I could like myself enough to really care. I’m more comfortable feeling sorry for myself and hating who I am.

Winning those arguments with myself. . . . . . . . .

April 30, 2009
17 Days until the Colfax ½ Marathon
51 Days until the Loveland Lake to Lake Triathlon
57 Days until the RKC Level II certification
72 Days until the Triple Bypass
170 Days until the Nike Women’s Marathon

Weight: 198

I’m feeling pretty good today. I’m not anywhere near ready for the ½ marathon in 17 days but there’s not much I can do about that now. I plan on walking it and however long it takes, it takes. Hopefully it will be a nice day and I’ll have a brisk four hour walk.

I feel good because I have really stepped up my exercise in the last two weeks and I’m starting to feel the benefits. I’ve put swimming back in and I really love it. What is even better is I’m not letting my mind talk myself out of going to whatever exercise I have planned for the day (mostly). I swam Monday and Wednesday after work and both days I was ready to blow it off and go home. Both days I had a little conversation with myself and just asked, “why don’t you want to go?” There really was no reason other than, “I just don’t feel like it.” Both times I didn’t buy that excuse. I have come to the realization that if I plan any exercise then it is an appointment that I must keep. So far this week I have made all of my appointments. I have also tried to pre-plan things to do at night so I’m not mindlessly munching when I am at home. The real key is to be aware of what I am doing and why. Now I know that this good feeling may only last a day or two so I need to prepare for the negative “f—k it all” attitude. That is my big problem though. I don’t know how to do that. I think, though, that if I keep sticking to my exercise schedule every time that I win that little fight with myself and actually do what I had planned, then I am building up just a little more resolve and some insurance against those, “I can’t do it so why bother” days.

And that's that, said Pooh.

April 25, 2009
22 Days until the Colfax ½ Marathon
56 Days until the Loveland Lake to Lake Triathlon
62 Days until the RKC Level II certification
77 Days until the Triple Bypass
176 Days until the Nike Women’s ½ Marathon

Weight: 200

I’m not going to whine and feel sorry for myself. I haven’t lost any weight in basically two and half years. The bottom line is I want to eat and watch television more than I want to be thin and fit. The frustrating thing is I can’t seem to figure out why that is. I know the things I need to do to be successful but I just don’t do them consistently enough to make a difference. So I’m going to stop saying things like “I want to get this weight off,” “I’m following a healthy food plan,” “I’m working out six days a week” until I really mean it and I really am doing it. I’m not going to give up on the events I’ve paid for but I might make an ass of myself. One day at a time I guess.

With that said, I did have a good workout with my trainer today. He just got back from the RKC I in St. Paul so he was pretty pumped up. He is an RKC II and had to get recertified. He is very excited for me to go to the level II and I love him for being so supportive. I don’t want to let him down but if I were to go today there is no way on God’s green earth I could do a pull up and I probably couldn’t do a pistol, although I’m getting close on that one.

So. Keep a positive attitude. Don’t whine about a bad day. No excuses. I have to want to be thin and fit more than anything else. I have to eat healthy and low calorie and I have to exercise six days a week. There is nothing else to it. And that’s that said Pooh.

Two perfect reps

April 8, 2009
39 Days until the Colfax ½ Marathon
73 Days until the Loveland Lake to Lake Triathlon
79 Days until the RKC Level II certification
94 Days until the Triple Bypass
192 Days until the Nike Women’s Marathon

Weight: 199.5

Well, I’m back in one hundreds (again). My MO is to have one or two really good days then blow it for five days. I have to be careful to not let that happen again. I have had two really good days with food. I haven’t really exercised because of this cold but I think that is a good thing – as long as it doesn’t take too long to get over this nasty thing. I walked on my treadmill last night while I watching “The Biggest Loser” and I had a little bit of coughing fit with too much exertion. I don’t like not being able to get my heart rate up and sweat a little. The Colfax half marathon is approaching very quickly and I have done NO training whatsoever. I want to get out and start running but with this junk in my lungs I can’t do it. So I guess I should use this time to really concentrate on food and losing some weight because of less food intake rather than hyper exercising. There will be times, like now, that I can’t exercise and I will gain weight if I don’t learn how to adjust my eating habits. So there is the silver lining in this cold.