Up, up, up and up

March 30, 2009
48 Days until the Colfax ½ Marathon
82 Days until the Loveland Lake to Lake Triathlon
88 Days until the RKC Level II certification
103 Days until the Triple Bypass

Weight: 202.5

I woke up Saturday morning not feeling very well. I had a scratchy throat and a headache. Not to mention my mental wellness was a little down. I wish I could just be happy with myself and my body and not think about it 24/7. I love exercising and I want to be active and thin but there is a part of me that wants food more. And it’s not even good food which makes no sense. My friend asked me to go shopping with her Saturday afternoon and I would have rather stayed in bed. I can’t fit in any clothes at the stores in the mall and it gets very depressing. She is one of those people who has been thin her whole life and has no idea what it is like to be fat but now that she is getting a little older she has gained a little bit of weight but she is by no stretch of the imagination fat. She will complain that she is fat. I try to be understanding and listen to her angst but I’m really thinking that she should be grateful she can fit into normal clothes and men ask her out on dates – neither of which happens to me.

Sunday I was feeling physically worse but mentally a little better. It was a nice day so I did get outside and walked a little. My food was not terrible but not great either.

So, here it is Monday morning and I’m feeling physically pretty stopped up and generally crummy but mentally I feel surprisingly motivated. My weight is up, my exercise is down but for today I am choosing to have a positive attitude and keep plugging along.

However, I’m starting to get anxious about the RKC. I have now officially entered into the less than three months zone and I am nowhere near where I wanted to be by now. I have got to stop this eating. I just put a blanket over my television in yet another attempt to cut off my biggest nemesis. We’ll see how this time goes.